It's a Good Day to Die Hard

Let's walk through the past week, shall we?

Monday - Wake up and take T3 to school.  Come home and frantically pick up house until the cleaning lady arrives.  Go to school with T1 and T2.  Spend 1 hour going over the days school work.  Go teach a class of 23 college students.  Come back and spend more time with T1 and T2 (they did not make much progress in my absence).  Go to office and grade papers, work on a literature review, and answer emails.  Pick up T3 from school.  Work on school work with all 3 kids.  Take T1 to gymnastics practice.  Help T3 get ready for football game.  Talk with husband on, while alternating house work and grading papers.  Talk with husband on the phone about the logistics of the evening.  Take T3 to football game.  Leave football game at halftime and go with T2 to soccer game that I am coaching.  Come home and eat a sandwich.  Grade Math from T1 and T2.  Look over lesson plans and activities for the next day.  Go to bed and hope to sleep.

Okay - I don't think I can make it through the remaining days.  I can tell you all the days went pretty much the same except there was a soccer game with football practice on Tuesday, I taught a class on Wednesday night, and we only had soccer on Friday and Saturday nights.

There has been little adult interaction aside from logistics.  I don't have time to socialize during lunch at work.  I can't socialize with other parents at the soccer games because I am coaching.  I don't have any friends that call, text, or email to check on me during the week.  This place has been extremely lonely.

Just for good measure, let's throw in a trip to the doctor for a sinus infection that has been hounding me for the past 4 weeks. 

I'm tired.  I feel really awful.  In this condition, I wonder if any of this is making a difference.

But I feel at peace - I know I am doing the things that God has called me to do.  And, maybe more importantly, I know without a doubt that I am dying to myself.  Some days, this 'dying to self' is excruciating - probably because I fight against it and try to live and serve in my own strength.  Other days, I am just spent.

So, despite the loneliness, the exhaustion, the illness - I am thankful.  Thankful that I am being made more into the image of Jesus.  Thankful that I have been given the opportunity to teach and serve.  Thankful that God isn't finished with me yet.

I'm sure that I will at times be impatient with this process and other times I will think I am 'finished'.   I need to be reminded that He will not be finished with me this side of Heaven - He loves me too much.  So I need to embrace where He has me and empty myself of confidence in myself.  This post is one reminder to myself that..... It's a Good Day to Die Hard.

This is Not a Re-Run

I'm sitting at the dining room table alone with my iPad and computer.  There are 2 un-graded math assignments from my now home-schooled-kids beside me and an entire house that needs cleaning.  But instead of grading the papers, getting up to clean, or even pulling out my book to do some more reading, I am staring at social media.  I feel a little paralyzed and the only word that keeps going through my mind is "tired".

I think if you saw me at this moment, I might look the way I did 12 years ago when I gave birth to my second child in 11 months.  I have few memories of the following months as I did what had to be done - basically in survival mode.  I looked okay, but the weight of life was heavy.

I have had no moments of real quiet during any afternoon this week.  Practices and school work have kept things loud and buzzing.  I feel like I have worked at SOMETHING every second from 9 am to 11 pm, and most of those things were not what I had planned.  Physically, I feel a little off, but mentally - well, I'm just not sure.

The first 4 days of homeschooling has been interesting, to say the least.  There has only been 1 breakdown on the part of a child, and I was proud of being gentle yet firm in expressing my instructions and expectations.  We are moving through our books and curriculum at the recommended pace with little problem.  Overall, I think this is going to work out well.

So why am I seconds away from tears myself?  Why do I feel run over by a truck and mentally exhausted?  I have 3 more weeks until the real craziness of life takes over with work and sports and school for the 3rd grader.  I am seeing more and more that learning at home with me is what both of my kids need to correct deficiencies in their life skills.  This early start is allowing us to get ahead (one of my favorite things) and I expected to slip into this new routine with the older kids now and make small adjustments when mid-August arrived. 

But this has not been the reality.

Being a working mother of 3 children with their own activities is very hectic.  It is even worse when you have no family around to help you out.  Even though I have not been able to participate in women's Bible studies or be invited to "Girls Nights", I have had the thought that if I REALLY WANTED TO, I could squeeze that in.  I guess the reality is setting in that EVEN IF I WANT TO, there is not going to be time for any additions while I fill all of roles I must fill, in the way I believe will glorify God.

I don't want to go back to survival mode.  I don't want to live feeling weighed down and perpetually tired.  Only Jesus can give me joy in this place He has called me - as wife, mother, professor, and now homeschooling parent.  Perhaps he will use people around me as His hands and feet, but maybe not.  I'm thankful that He is showing me that this is all too big for me.  Now I must let Him do it - through me - rather than hope I can do it all in my own power and strength.

It's Time for a Posture Check

My current running app likes to ask me for a "Posture Check" at least once per workout.  Sometimes this is really irritating, but today, it made me think in an entirely different way.

In a recent post I complained about how many people chose to share their political opinions on Facebook in a rude, demeaning, or condescending way.  This holds true on whether I agree with the 'side' the person is defending in their post. 

There is another approach taken by others that is more troubling to me - those that say "this is what I believe, but you believe something else.  Both are okay.  Its no big deal."  These posts and statements are not talking about a favorite flavor of ice cream or most enjoyable television show, but about serious moral questions.

So today, I was pleasantly surprised to see this post in my Facebook feed comparing the difference between POSTURE and POSITION.  I think he sums up well the difference between the two, although I believe both are important. 

If your POSTURE is that you will argue and ridicule those who disagree with you, your witness and relationships are damaged - regardless of whether you are correct!  On the other side, if your POSTURE is one of extreme flexibility bordering on relativism, your relationships are not damaged, but I still think your witness is minimized.  As Christians, we are clearly called to certain standards - not because our salvation depends on it.  Rather, the One who layed down His life for us knows what is best for us and we seek to honor Him through all of our actions.

What might it look like to hold firm to your position while maintaining a posture that glorifies God in our encounters with others?  I believe it hinges on a Biblical understanding of man.  All of us are made in the image of God and have value, dignity, and worth.  Nothing can take away from that position, and we need to recognize and proclaim this, maybe most especially with those with whom we disagree. 

The next time I open my running app on my iPhone, it will again remind me to do a posture check.  This is appropriate because this is something we will need to check regularly - daily, maybe hourly - both in our physical body and heart.  Perhaps with practice we can form a habit of a proper spiritual POSTURE toward our God and our fellow man.  This would be a change I would welcome.

I Can't Look Away from the Trainwreck....

Hello Facebook Friend - I'm blogging today wondering why you continue to post certain topics. 

I don't really care what you are eating for breakfast, lunch, snack, or dinner.

I don't think your children are the most amazing things in the world, and your posts will not convince me of this.

I don't want to play any games, so please stop inviting me to do so.

I don't care that YOU are playing games or that you just got a high score.

I don't like seeing opinions presented in a ridiculing manner or laced with profanity.  This would include politics, education, or health care.

But the bigger question I have is - WHY CAN I NOT CLOSE THE STUPID WEBSITE AND STOP READING THESE THINGS I DON'T CARE ABOUT?

I have never had lots of friends and I have never been popular.  This has not changed through high school, college, graduate school, mommy-hood, to the present.  I find myself in the same pattern of those times - on the outside looking in.  I was physically THERE - I heard the conversation - but I was not really A PART of it all.  If I had been absent, not much would have changed for the ones who were. 

So I 'act' on Facebook the way I always have - listening - but not being heard, watching - but not being seen.  Deep down I have the same desire and hope I have always had.  Someday, someone will look over, see my sad lonely self on the sideline and invite me to participate in life. 

Albert Einstein is credited as saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  Given what I have shared here, I would certainly qualify as insane in this arena.  But what is a Biblical response to all of this?  We are made for relationship, but ultimately that relationship should be with Jesus.  People will always disappoint us - He never will.  He always sees and hears me - these are the truths I need remind myself of in moments of sadness.  And I don't need to be connected to Facebook or other social media to be 'followed' by Him.

Graduation Insights from a Faculty Member and Mom

This past Friday and Saturday I was privileged to attend 2 graduation ceremonies (okay - I was required to go as a faculty member but it is fun to see former students on such a momentous occasion).  I have been known to carry a book to graduation, especially since I hear the same speaker/ speech twice in 2 days.  This year, I didn't crack my book - in either ceremony!  The speaker talked about sacrifice - as he defined "choosing to suffer".  He reminded us that sacrifice exponentially increases the outcome of whatever it is attached to.  Sacrifice it not moral and can be used in any cause - good or bad.

To explain why this address had such an impact on me, you need a little back story.  I am in my first year of my true career.  I have been working at a job I love - teaching college students - for 8 years now.  I have worked as the lab coordinator for 2 years.  However, this is the first year I have been on a full-time contract doing what I thought I would when I applied to graduate school many years ago.  This opportunity is exciting.  I think of not only what I can do to be better at my job, but also what I should do to advance my career.  This has lead to thoughts of research, thoughts of returning to graduate school to finish my Ph.D., thoughts of more activities at work.

In the midst of these thoughts it has become clear that my middle schoolers are struggling.  One has no free time - it is all homework and gymnastics practice.  The other is on a grade roller-coaster - either make perfect grades or struggling to turn in any assignments.  In all of this, I see a lack of care in their work.  Due dates appear to be suggestions and there is no consistent rule for when late work is no big deal and when it is not even accepted.  After a lot of prayer and discussion, we have decided to home school these 2 for the next academic year.

So thinking about advancing my career while being responsible for the education of a 12 and 13 year old feels overwhelming.  So while I sat in the audience at graduation,  I thought about what the speaker was saying about sacrifice.  I had a real sense that God is calling me to sacrifice for my kids' education right now.  They need me.  God has big plans for these children of mine - plans that require them to have life skills like meeting deadline and paying attention to detail.  These skills are lost on them right now and I have the opportunity to sacrifice my desires for a while to make sure they are ready for what God has in store for them.

There will be time for other sacrifices - those that will allow me to finish my Ph.D. and apply for promotion at work.  But I need to remind myself that now is not that time.  God is directing my path, and I feel that this is the sacrifice He is calling me to right now.

I am a "Miserable Comforter"

After 3 years of “read through the Bible in a year” plans, I decided to do the Chronological Plan for 2013.  I was a little surprised when the plan sent me to the book of Job right after Noah left the Ark!  For the past week I have been reading the bad council of Zophar, Bildad, and Eliphaz to the suffering Job.  “Surely you are being punished for your wickedness!” they continue to declare to him while Job insists on his innocence.

Each day after reading the accusations of Job’s visitors, I am left with a sense of thankfulness.  Above all, I’m thankful that although I am as sinful as they are describing, God does not treat me as my sins deserve due to the finished work of Christ.  But if I am honest with myself, I am thankful that I would never say such things to a suffering person.  As I type this, it smacks with more of a Pharisaical hypocrite than it normally does in my head (Lord, I thank you that I am not like this tax collector…), but God in His mercy has orchestrated all of this to teach me something new.

There are suffering people around me.  It seems like more than normal.  I don’t know if this is because I am paying better attention or if it is really the case.  As I am patting myself on the back that I would not be so insensitive and wrong as Zophar, Bildad, and Eliphaz, God has shown me that I am just like them.  I just speak a different language of insensitivity.  Rather than accuse the suffering of being wicked, I accuse them in my mind of other REASONS why they find themselves in their current situation.  Your health is poor because you have not lost weight/ exercised/ gone to the doctor.  Your relationships are bad because you are selfish/ demanding/ no fun/ a bad listener.  Your illness is due to cellular malfunction (I could explain it to you)/ bad luck (let me tell you about mutations).  Surely this isn’t as bad as Job’s miserable comforters, right?   Because what I am saying in my head is really true, right?

But why is my mind going there?  I have been convicted today that all of these reasons in my mind are there so I can check off that I am NOT like that.  I am in good health because I have exercised and gone to the doctor.  I am not selfish or demanding.  And because I BELIEVE this about myself, I am saying that I am in control of my health, relationships, and whatever else you would like to include.   I think that is what Zophar, Bildad, and Eliphaz are trying to convince themselves – “we are seeking to follow the Lord and so we are safe from suffering like yours, Job.”    Put in my current language – “I am doing what modern medicine says in healthy for me, so I am safe from serious disease and early death.”  Or “I am kind and level-headed in my conversations with others, so my relationships should be good.  No one could think poorly of my work, intellect or dealings with others.”

Just like Job’s suffering was not tied to the reasons presented by his miserable comforters (which we see at the beginning and end of the book, but Job never learns), it is very likely that the suffering of those around you and me is about much more than science, medicine or relationship help instructions.  God is up to something in his world and people.  We try to shrink what we observe down to where it is small and easy to understand.  His ways are not our ways.  He is always about moving all of creation toward its final destination where His glory and goodness are fully known.  

So I am thankful – for his free gift of salvation that promises me his goodness and grace.  But also that I am reminded that this world is not just about what the physical world can explain.  That he is weaving together ALL of redemptive history into a beautiful masterpiece that this world and its circumstances cannot even comprehend. 

I am a miserable comforter, but I am loved, I am washed, I am redeemed for His glorious purposes.

Life Lessons from Bowl Season

The past 2 years have brought an entirely different perspective on bowls.  As a University of Tennessee fan, there was always 1 bowl that I cared about.  Since we have not been bowl eligible, I have observed other teams and fans in a different light.  A lot of this observation has wrought great irritation in me.  Today, it occurred to me all of the life lessons my children and students could learn from this year’s Bowl Season.

Before I begin, I’ll give my disclaimer:  I am not a football expert.  I am not declaring my view correct in all areas.  So don’t take it personally if you resemble any of my examples below.

 

1. You are not too good for your opponent or your bowl game

I can think of 3 games that I watched this bowl season where some version of the above appeared obvious.  In all 3 cases, the team with this attitude lost the game.  Life is no different – when you have an opportunity in your life, you should take full advantage and work at it with your whole heart.  Any other action is squandering your gifts, talents, and opportunities.

2.  Talent does not win ball games.

The commentators in some games had the audacity to say that all a team had to do was show up and they would win.  They were shown to be very wrong in most cases.  Talent opens doors and gives you opportunity.  But hard work and perseverance are much better indicators of actual success on the field (and in life).

3.  Disrespect is always ugly

Whether it is announcers (see #2), coaches, players or fans, people are made in the image of God and should be treated with respect.  I do not care if you made a good tackle, threw a great pass, or your team just won – this always applies. 

4.  Rankings may not be fair, but it’s the best we can do now – get over it!

Any time someone brings up the word “fair”, it gets under my skin.  Life is not fair and it never will be.  The sooner a person understands this reality, the better off they will be.  I don’t mean to say that we should always accept this state.  Much of the time (in life, especially) we should work to rectify wrongs.  But even then, we will never be able to make things truly fair. 

I may later go into the ultimate of example of things not being fair that we benefit from, but this is not the time or place. 

5.  Basing your fanhood and life’s happiness of the performance of 18 to 22 year olds (pre-adults) is not fair to the players and makes you look ridiculous.

Its easy to forget that the players you see on TV are basically kids.  Would you have wanted nasty emails and public ridicule for the mistakes you made at this age?  Most of us are lucky enough that those mistakes were private or at least seen by only a few people.  Imagine having your mistake viewed by 80,000 people live and then re-lived on ESPN for the next week (or more).  No wonder so many of these kids turn to unhealthy and destructive behaviors.

 

Finally, one other item really struck me today.  I am constantly trying to protect my 2 oldest kids from the evils of social media.  I believe their home should be a place of rest and refuge.  Much of the time, social media can rob them of this.  In one extreme case, my daughter needed to completely close her account and take a break from social media for several months.  Usually I can look at the various views presented in these forums and move on.  But some comments in my News Feed have raised my blood pressure, given me gray hairs, and encouraged me to throw my computer through a window.  I have allowed social media to rob ME of a place of rest and refuge.   I need to take my own advice and remove those ‘friends’ who regularly have this effect.  There may be a time where I find that I need to completely remove myself from social media, and I need to be willing to do that if it is the best thing.

2012 Reading and 2013 Goals

My goal for 2012 was to read 35 books.  I surpassed my goal by 5 books. 

1. Water for Elephants - Gruen
2. Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist - Piper
3. Eat, Pray, Love - Gilbert
4. The Wind in the Willows - Grahame
5. The Hunger Games - Collins
6. The Help - Stockett
7. Finally Alive: What Happens When We are Born Again - Piper
8. The Woman in White - Collins
9. Catching Fire - Collins
10. Who Made God?: Searching for a Theory of Everything - Andrews
11. Radical Together - Platt
12. Middlemarch: A Study of Provincial Life - Eliot
13. The Litigators - Grisham
14. Mockingjay - Collins
15. Gospel Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting - Farley
16. Soul of Science - Pearcey
17. Coming to Peace with Science: Bridging the Worlds Between Faith and Biology - Falk
18. Genesis in Space and Time: The Flow of Biblical History - Schaeffer
19. The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out - Manning
20. The Last Child - Hart
21. Best Friends Forever - Weiner
22. A Change in Altitude - Shreve
23. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Haddon
24. The Brethren - Grisham
25. The 17 Day Diet: A Doctor's Plan Designed for Rapid Results - Moreno
26. The Midlife Miracle Diet: When Your Diet Doesn't Work Anymore - Puhn
27. Organizing the Disorganized Child: Simple Strategies to Succeed in School - Kutscher
28. Icons of Evolution: Science of Myth? - Wells
29. Galileo's Daughter: A Historical Memoir of Science, Faith, and Love - Sobel
30. Old Yeller - Gipson
31. Philosophy of Science: The Natural Sciences in Christian Perspective - Ratzsch
32. Aftershock: Protect Yourself and Profit in the Next Global Financial Meltdown - Wiedemer
33. Redeeming Science: A God-Centered Approach - Poythress
34. Should Christians Embrace Evolution: Biblical & Scientific Responses - Nevin
35. The Handmaid's Tale - Atwood
36. Saving Darwin: How to be a Christian and Believe in Evolution - Giberson
37. What the Best College Teachers Do - Bain
38. Divergent - Roth
39. Finding Darwin's God: A Scientist's Search for Common Ground Between God and Evolution - Miller
40. Anna Karenina - Tolstoy

I was again surprised by how much I enjoyed the classics I read.  Anna Karenina & The Woman in White were both very good!

I'm not sure of the length of some of the books I will be reading this year, so I think I will stick with a goal of 35 books.  I plan to rotate still between classic literature, non-fiction, and something I want to read (possibly recent fiction). 

So what did you read this year that you really enjoyed?

Musings Following "Saving Darwin's God"

The most recent book I’ve completed is Kenneth Miller’s Finding Darwin’s God.  This one took me a while to finish – not because the content was difficult, but because the work of the semester limited my reading time (well, that and finding Alias on Netflix).  As with my previous book, (Saving Darwin – see previous post) bad theology leads to some interesting conclusions.

There were too many times to count the number of times Miller said the he “knew” or science had “proved” something about the age of the Earth and the means of the appearance of life.  He even denigrates our ancestors saying that ‘our species has now grown up’ and that we should have a more sophisticated view of the history of our planet and species.  His comments show his ignorance of the limits of science.  Science cannot prove anything – the data support or refute hypotheses.  In addition, data support multiple hypothesis – some of which have not yet been thought of by humans.  I find it ironic that Miller has such a high view of science, which was conceived by our ancestors, when he then belittles the views of the same people.

Miller’s treatment of the Fall minimizes the effect of sin on the human heart and all of Creation.  Rather than acknowledge that we may not understand the impact of the Fall on biological systems, he dismisses such an idea with less than a paragraph.  Scripture is pretty clear that sin affected not only our spiritual condition, but the natural world, as well.

There were many points that Miller argued from history rather than from a proper understanding of Scripture.  In multiple areas, he gives erroneous interpretations of Scripture as the true meaning of the Bible.  I am not sure if he was trying to address these views within the church or not, but it seemed he tried to debunk a widely held idea based on what other people thought rather than debunk it with a correct interpretation of Scripture (what God thought).

As the book progressed from biological evolution, I learned much about Miller’s theology.

1.       He seems to believe that God is not involved in a natural process if that natural process can be explained by natural causes.  The only time that God intervenes is directly and in those cases, He suspends the laws of nature.

2.       He states that God HAD to make the world the way He did so it could be independent.  Otherwise, we live in a world with no free will, no independence.  He even argues this is so based on quantum theory.  

I don’t think that God is held hostage by the properties of matter.  God is eternal – matter is not!  My understanding of Scripture would say that God IS in control of His creation and He knows where history is leading.  But this does not eliminate free will – where we are free to act in harmony with our nature.  This reality is one of the mysteries of Scripture as I don’t fully understand how both are true.

Overall, this book had a lot of interesting views.  Christians who hold to evolutionary theory in various forms have gained an audience in the wider culture.  Yet, I wonder how many of Miller’s views mentioned above are shared by Collins and other popular Christian writers.

Musings following "Saving Darwin"

The past couple of weeks, I have been reading Saving Darwin by Karl Giberson.  The subtitle of this book indicates that it will examine how Christian faith and evolution can coexist.  If you have read my “Musings” on other books, you know that these are not critiques of the book.  However, I put down the thoughts running through my head as I digest and struggle with the ideas I have just encountered.

I have always held the position stated by Petcher and Morris (Science and Grace) in their Introduction that “there can be no contradiction between science and faith, properly understood” (emphasis mine).  As I read and learn, I see that having a proper understanding of the data and conclusions of science that is consistent with a proper understanding of what the Bible teaches is an exercise in mental calisthenics.  I see a great temptation of scientists that profess belief in the God of the Bible to exhaust their cerebral capabilities to understand the science and while neglecting a similar study and contemplation of the deep truths of the Bible and ultimately, theology.   If there has even been a book that highlighted the importance of taking ones theology seriously, this would be it. 

Early in the book, Giberson states that the “acid of evolution” and natural history dissolves pretty much all of the historicity of the events in Genesis, particularly Genesis 1-11.  It seems that Giberson believes that we must only hold to the historicity of Jesus and His work on our behalf in order to be Christians.  However, in doing so, he undermines the very facts that make the historicity of Jesus part of a rational view.   Books have been written on this topic (some I have read and others I have not) discussing these issues, but I will make a brief statement concerning my thoughts on this topic.   If Adam was NOT a historical figure and Jesus Christ WAS a historical figure, why do the Apostle Paul and the writer of Hebrews take such pains in the New Testament to tie Adam and Christ (the second Adam) together when describing the process of our justification?  They are either both metaphorical and spiritual or both historical figures.

Giberson spent his time arguing with a traditional creationist view of origins.  I say this because he continually referred to the fact that creationism states that God made all animals in the current form.  However, a careful reading of Genesis does not demand this at all, even though this has been a position of scientists and theologians in the past.  It seems possible to hold to a special creation of species without restricting them in how they might change over time.  I would echo the above statement from Petcher and Morris, and argue that it is likely that none of the currently accepted views (evolutionary, creationist, and others) have properly interpreted both general revelation (creation) and special revelation (Scripture). 

Toward the conclusion of the book, Giberson presents the evidences of evolution.  It seems clear from the summary of the evidence, that defending evolution on the basis of evidence was not a high priority for this book.  In addition to this treatment, Giberson does not seem to understand that experimental data can support multiple hypotheses – not just one.  I say this because the universality of DNA and common structures, which are both mentioned, do not exclude or refute a hypothesis of a special creation.  They both support such a hypothesis – unless you wish to say that special creations must not share anything in common, which is a common statement I have read by the supporters of evolution.  However, if we believe that a creator could create freely, who are we to dictate HOW they must have created?

Probably the most troubling shortcoming of the book is the treatment of Darwin’s rejection of a special creation due to pain and suffering within the animal world.  Examples of nature “red in tooth and claw” lead some to believe that God could not be involved in creation because His goodness and perfection is inconsistent with these aspects of Creation.  Giberson gives a one paragraph response in his 221 pages to the idea that the Fall resulted in significant changes – including suffering and torture in the animal world - to Creation.  He basically dismisses the idea that the Fall altered the physical creation at all and that it was a purely spiritual event.  However, it seems pretty clear that ALL of Creation fell with man and that the Fall affected the whole of man (physical and spiritual).  The Fall was no small matter – all of Creation is broken due to the effects of our rebellion.  It seems to me that a view that ignores the effects of the Fall does not understand the seriousness of sin or the holiness of God. 

From the standpoint of a book that recounts the relatively recent history between science and faith, Giberson brought much to my attention.  From that perspective, the majority of this book gave useful information.  But overall, I am underwhelmed by Giberson arguments.  I am concerned that THIS is what believing scientists have to read and contemplate as a proper Christian response to the controversy between science and evolution.  Giberson seems to hold high the importance of rationality and logic in science and these are seriously missing in many areas of the book, as well as his presentation of Christianity. 

Yard Work Chronicles - A Lesson from Special & General Revelation

We have lived in our home for a little more than 7 years.  We have always loved the gorgeous azaleas planted by the original owners of the house.  These bushes are about 30 years old.  A few of them are over 7 feet tall!  Even though the bushes are lush and green and clearly putting on new growth, they have not bloomed for the past 2 years.  So armed with a little bit of knowledge on pruning, a vision of a pretty yard, and a pair of loppers, I ventured out to take charge of my small domain.

I must confess that I have avoided pruning the azaleas for the past 3 years because I knew that I was not experienced in this area.  I was fairly certain that I would make a bigger mess of the plants or that I would be too aggressive in my treatment and they would die.  An unexpected event convinced me I would probably not kill the plant – my youngest child decided to ‘help’ in the yard by cutting down the ‘weeds’.  Sadly (or not), he believed the 30 year old azaleas were weeds.  He proceeded to hack them down with the loppers and was so proud of his work.  Nothing died.  Everything started putting on new growth.  This experience is the little bit of knowledge on pruning I have already referred to.  Surely I would not kill the plants and even if I did, they weren’t blooming anyway.

If you follow my sister’s blog, you may be expecting to see pictures and a detailed description of how I clipped the branches with ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos.  I’m sorry to disappoint you, as I didn’t take pictures before I started and I don’t have the patience to photo-chronicle itchy, sweaty yard work.  However, as I spent a few hours over a couple of days pruning the first 5 azaleas, my mind kept returning to John 15:2 “Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”  I started thinking about the spiritual truths I could learn knowing that *I* am pruned by my loving Father.   Here are a few of those ideas:

Pruning is for the good of the plant and me – My azaleas have a purpose in my yard – to bloom in the spring.  If they are not fulfilling their purpose, what is the point of them being there?  I pruned them in hopes that will bloom, or produce fruit, again.  Likewise, if I am not fulfilling my purpose, which is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, my Master Gardener needs to use whatever means possible to allow me to once again do that.

Pruning is painful – I’m reminded of a question posed to me in my FFA days, “Does a head of lettuce scream when you cut it?”  I did not HEAR any screams from the azaleas while I worked, but with my knowledge of biology, there certainly was stress put on the plant.  I’ll take this as an equivalent of our pain.  When the Master Gardener comes and prunes me, things, activities, events, and more can be removed or altered in my life.  These changes are sometimes abrupt and are often painful to be removed from my life.

Pruning leaves you somewhat bare and (GASP!) ugly – Here is one of the azaleas now.  Its bare and not very pretty – especially compared to how it looked before pruning.  This thought really consumed me as I worked.  How am I like this azalea?  The Master Gardener comes and removes the things that hinder me from fulfilling my purpose in His kingdom.  Sometimes these things are ‘good things’.  Often, these things look really good – both to me and others.  Perhaps these things have been exactly what the Gardner wanted and used in His kingdom in the past.  But these are not BEST things for NOW.  He wants to make me more in the image of His Son.  He has more for me to do – perhaps in different places of service and to different people.  I can fight with my Master Gardeners pruning a little more than my azaleas, but that just prolongs the pain.  The Master Gardener knows best.  He sees His plan.  I should be thankful that he has seen fit to keep me in His garden and allow me to do my small part of bearing fruit.

Pruning will result in greater beauty – I am excited to see the new growth in my azaleas.  Hopefully, we will also see greener foliage and brighter blooms.  The same will be true of me.  As a new creation in Christ, I am promised “beauty for ashes”.  As part of his bride, I am included in the glorious bride described in Revelation.  How awesome to know the truth that my ‘light and momentary troubles are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed’ (Romans 8:18).

I am still mulling these truths and how God is pruning me.  While it is not always pleasant, it is encouraging to be able to see the Lord’s loving work in my life.  I pray he will prune me to be useful in His kingdom, whether in big or small ways.

If you read my blog, please share your thoughts in the comments section.  I would love to hear from you and to know your thoughts on this topic or others.

10 Things I Hate About You

So I seem to have shifted from a song title to movie title theme on my blog titles.  So in honor of my teenager-ish broken out skin, here is my list of some of the things that Staci hates about Staci.

10. I let myself stop running and exercising at the beginning of the school year and can't get myself back into the habit.  It has not been good for me, but I truly can't figure out how to fit it in on most of my days.  Work and famly take up all the daylight hours.  With the days getting longer, maybe there is hope.  At least the school year will be over soon, which should free up some time.

9. My feelings sometimes get hurt easily and then I can't 'forgive and forget'.  I am an elephant.  If the hurt was significant, I remember it forever - or for at least 25 years (that's the longest one I can think of).

8. I am a perfectionist.  Sometimes I am really proud of this trait.  But a lot of times, it is a big negative.  I can't stand to mess up and then realize that someone else knows it.  I especially can't stand for you to see my mistakes and then show them to me.

7. My pancreas has been killed by bad genetics and 3 pregnancies.  I wish I did not need to exercise (see #10) to be healthy, but that is not to be.  I am destined to be a Diabetic - my choices are just prolonging the time until they will see the need to officially diagnose me.  This makes me feel old and damaged.  I hate that I have an actual disease that won't be healed this side of heaven.

6. I don't have degrees of liking people.  You are either in or out.  So I either love you to death (ie - my husband, my children, Dale Jr., Trevor Bayne, Brett Favre) or I pretty much despise you (ie - Kyle Busch, Tim Brady, some people from high school - see #9).

5. My skin is greasy - even now - but it HAS NOT prevented wrinkles!  How can you have zits and wrinkles on the same face!! 

4. I have an apathetic attitude toward some people in my life.  I don't really care that this is the case, but I know it SHOULD NOT be the case. Change in this area will take some heavenly intervension, which I know if possible.

3. I don't brag on my kids enough.  That don't get the press they deserve from me in this blog or other social media.  They are awesome, too!  Tinley continues to do well in gymnastics and has gotten more organized with her school work.  Troy built a jet balloon toy (wish I had pictures) that pulled the most weight in the whole 5th grade, as is about to bridge to Boy Scouts. Trent had an amazing report card (in the 99th percentile on all subjects) and did a great job as Andrew Johnson on Famous American Day.  You can see videos and photos on my facebook or twitter home.

2. I have no idea how to build meaningful relationships, which is why I don't have any.  Aside from my husband, I really don't have good friends.  I have lots of acquaintances, but if my world fell apart and I needed help, I have no earthly idea who I would call/ email/ or contact.  Its partly because I am not very likeable (see #3-10 above) and pretty self-centered.  Or maybe that is all of it.

1. I really care what other people think of me in every area of my life.  And I want to be well thought-of and recognized.  This almost always DOES NOT happen, and it makes me sad and sometimes angry.

I could probably list more things that I don't like about myself. Most of these things would have been on a list like this 20 years ago. I want to see growth!  It is wonderful and humbling that husband (Eric) and my Savior (Jesus) see and know all of these things. But they still like and love me! There is truly no one else that I can say this about - but what a gift to have more than 1 that I can say it about. I believe my growth comes in the form that I see all of my shortcomings even more clearly and I recognize two things: 1) It is truly amazing that Jesus would sacrifice Himself on my behalf when these 10 things are not the only sins and shortcomings I have and 2) I need His amazing grace to allow his love and mercy and goodness to flow through me.  None of the good things that I want to do or to change can be generated within myself.  He is the only source of goodness or even the desire for goodness.

So while I look at my shortcomings, faults, and sins, I am thankful that they point me back to the cross.  That is my only hope.

Musings following the books, 'Desiring God' & 'Eat Pray Love'

The last 2 books I read have been Desiring God by John Piper (2^nd reading) and Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Both had been hanging on my ‘To Read’ list for at least 2 years. They were not in this order on my list, either.  I think it is so amazing how God in His sovereignty had me read these 2 books in this order. 

While reading Desiring God, I was struck again by my own lack of joy and how I so often lose my focus on what my ultimate source of peace and comfort are.  It inspired me to a greater desire to cultivate prayer in my life.  I have been constantly dwelling on the fact that I am to find joy in God and thinking about how that works itself out practically in my own life.

I then started reading Eat Pray Love.  This book is somewhat of a memoir of Gilbert’s journey through searching for peace and contentment.  While she never really claims a religion, it seems to pull together religious ideas from many traditions into something she feels comfortable with.  In the end, she finds wholeness and contentment and happiness.  She sees herself as good and loving and whole.

I feel that I can relate to the deep heart struggle of Gilbert throughout the book.  I have struggled with having happiness in various circumstances and being melancholy.  But I don’t understand the road she chose to examine her questions and longings.  My thoughts swung between disagreeing with Gilbert’s approach to the realization that ‘but for the grace of God, there I go’.  As I read and considered these things, the following thoughts were never far from me

1.       There is only 1 way to true happiness, contentment, and joy.  The God revealed in the Bible created us and is therefore the only way to fill the void in our innermost being.

2.       Eat Pray Love was a best-selling book, and all of the reviews I read focused on people’s opinion of Gilbert’s actions in the book.  Either they thought she was completely selfish or envied her year of self-discovery.  It seems telling about our culture that not one review focused on what she believed (as I feel I am doing here).  We have bought into the idea that WHAT you believe is not that important.  Truth is whatever works for you and makes you happy.  I am not sure how we retreat from these positions and return to a healthier place of appreciating Truth.

Piper has a chapter in Desiring God where he talks a lot about what if the Bible is not true.  He quotes I Corinthians 15:19 “If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.”  As Gilbert searches for life’s deeper meaning in Italy and Bali, I found this an interesting contrast.  Because the Bible IS true and we have a hope for eternity, I found myself feeling really bad for Gilbert – pitying her, even.  She is sitting in what might be considered a paradise here on earth, but because she is not a Christian, it is temporal and fleeting.  But because I belong to God, I am greatly blessed (which to me the opposite of being pitied) even while I shuttle children, clean house, put out fires at work, and deal with difficult relationships.  Thanks be to God for this wonderful gift.

On Second Thought...

I’ve been turning some blog posts over in my mind since my last post right after Christmas.  While there are many thoughts, emotions, and ideas running wild, I just can’t put any of them down ‘on paper’.  I’ve talked it over with my husband, and on these topics, I am going to have to declare my blog description is not entirely accurate.  This is not a place where I can come and be completely open and honest on all topics.  It seems people actually might READ my posts ;-)  And, quite frankly, some of my thoughts and ruminations are none of your business.  I’m kind of frustrated by this realization.  My blog was supposed to be an outlet and place of sharing.  But I feel too fragile and too dangerous at the same time.  Some of my words have the potential to harm others and then ricochet back and cause serious damage. 

So while I will certainly be myself, I am giving myself permission to hold some things in private.  The thing I am realizing is that lack of sharing with the outside world does not indicate a lack of pride, enjoyment, or satisfaction with my marriage, my children, or any other aspect of my life.  For years I have felt that my feelings toward these people and things were inferior because my joy and contentment were not shouted on Facebook or splashed in beautiful pictures and words in this blog. 

No matter how honest or open I am here, it will never replace the desire for friendship with real people, and I have tried to allow this forum to substitute for real relationships.  As I type this, it seems stupid to have ever thought that way.  I did not set out with that as my goal, but the idea of the blog filled the vacuum where relationships ought to be.  So feel free to read on in the future.  Maybe soon I’ll feel less dangerous or fragile.

Thoughts from December and 2011 Reading

As usual, our family travelled to Tennessee for the Christmas holiday.  This past Christmas fell on Sunday, and during our morning worship, we celebrated Communion.  I was really struck by how appropriate that is in many ways, but particularly on a personal level. 

Some trips to Tennessee are fun and enjoyable.  Others are filled with strife, complaining, and general 'un-niceness' between family members.  This seemed to have many elements of the latter description.  During Communion, I was struck afresh with the reality of my own sin, my own involvement and participation in these activities.  I commented to my husband that partaking in Communion in that setting was a good thing.

However, over the next 2 days, the trend continued.  Many things were said that were just not nice and should have been left unsaid.  I was hurt by unkind words by those who are supposed to love and care for me.  While driving home and during the following days, I was struck by my own hand in the culture and attitude that was present within my extended family over the Christmas holiday.  I certainly don't condone or excuse the hurtful words thrown at me, but the Lord has graciously shown me more of my own sin through this.  In the busyness of the semester and holidays my time devoted to Scripture and prayer had greatly diminished.  I see again that I cannot be the sister and daughter (or mother or wife) I am called to be without daily saturation in His Word.  I do not love my family as I should.  I do not build them up or speak truth to them.

I am sad that I 'blew it' this Christmas, but I am even more thankful that the Lord has shown me this sin in my life and promises that He will never leave me or forsake me.  I am thankful for his sanctification and pray that He will allow me to be a beacon of love and kindness to these same family members in the future.

I'm also listing here the books I read in 2011.  I believe my goal was to read 30 books this year and work on my BBC list of books.  I did pretty well on both.

Books Read in 2011
The Hitchhikers Guide Trilogy - Adams
Darwin's Black Box
Charlotte's Web
Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Hardy
Good Things I Wish You
Knowing God - Packer
Alice in Wonderland - Carroll
Through the Looking Glass - Carroll
Age of Opprtunity - Tripp
Engaging God's World - Plantinga
The Confession - Grisham
Persuasion - Austen
The Associate - Grisham
Artermis Fowl (Book 1)
Ford County Stories - Grisham
The Davinci Code - Brown
Lacemakers of Glenmara
Life of Pi
Treasure Island
Why Pandas Do Handstands
The God Delusion - Dawkins
The Dawkins Delusion - McGrath
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows
Saving Leonardo - Pearcey
DNA - A Graphic Guide to the Molecule that Shook the Universe - Rosenfeld
Total Truth - Pearcy
Fever 1793
Catch 22 - Heller
Humility - Mahaney
The Velveteen Rabbit
Rebecca - duMaurier
Bonhoffer - Metaxas
The Unlikely Disciple
Les Miserables - Hugo
Total = 36 books

My goal for 2012 is to read 35 books in the coming year.  Reading and exercising are probably the 2 best stress relieving activities that I participate in.  However, I have always enjoyed reading and can't wait to continue to my lists of books that I want to go through.  I always learn neat and unexpected things in all of the genres I read.  I would challenge everyone to branch out and read something you never expected to read in the coming year.

Only the Lonely

DISCLAIMER: If you have many friends or even a few close friends, please don't continue reading this post. You will not relate to what I have written. You may be tempted to offer 'suggestions' which might not be well-received. For those who don't have good friends, feel free to read on.

Today is a Lonely Day. For some reason, everything I read or see reminds me of things that I do not have and desperately want. Facebook is an evil creation for me on days like this. I see how some people have celebrated their birthday with a party. Others are out in the glorious weather enjoying the company of their neighbors and family. I see posts from one person to another of how they miss each other, can't wait to see each other, send their love to one another. Blah, blah, blah – good for all of you. It seems like I have already blogged about these feelings and every time I do, I think that deep down, I secretly wish that someone will read my heart wrenching post and want to be my friend. This have, obviously, never happened. Because then there would not be a need to this current post.

I have never had a birthday party (EVER!). Four people (plus my children) have any idea when my birthday occurs. No one ever calls to talk with me on the phone. My students are really the only people who write on my Facebook wall with comments or encouragement. I could move to another planet and no one in my community would even realize I am gone. I literally get covered in hives and while many are aware, 2 people (neither of whom I am related to or go to church with) ask if I am okay in Chat. Are you depressed yet? I really could go on, but it is making ME depressed.

I am seeing that my desire for friendship never goes away. It just cycles through 3 main types of feelings.

1. Anger – I find myself mad at those who have friends, those who don't want to be my friend, and those who are oblivious to it all.
   
2. Sadness – I basically through a pity-party for myself about how I don't have the kinds of friends I crave.
   
3. Apathy – I accept that I have really never had close friends or maintained a close friendship and that is the way it is always going to be. I tell myself that there are other things that need my attention and ignore what is going on.
   

Incredibly (or maybe sadly), I have experienced all of this cycle multiple times today! At other times, the cycle spins more slowly and I live in the "apathy" phase for longer periods of time.

Once upon a time, I was a stay at home mom. There were others, too, and we got together for play dates and sometimes did little activities. We had Pampered Chef parties and Bible Studies. Even then, I never felt a part of the group. If I missed an activity, I was sometimes lucky enough to get an email but never a phone call. And there were never times that I got a phone call from one of these people to chat with me and see how I was doing. Of course, I never did this either, so I suppose I am partly to blame. I am still not really sure how to do any of this. Especially when the few times I have tried it, I have found that the person I was reaching out to already had close friends – they just did not need me at all. I am now working basically full-time and all of my kids are in school. I don't 'fit' into any of the groups to meet new people. I don't have lots of time to figure out where I can develop a friendship.

So for today, I will be busy. I will make some memories with my 2 boys at the Fair and Race. I will enjoy myself watching my favorite sport today and tonight. I will cheer for my alma mater in football and be an outsider in my own community. In all of this, I will remember that Jesus befriended the 'outsiders' of His society and revealed Himself to them in a special way. God has made me unique for His special purpose and that is a glorious thing to remember, even if few people on this Earth care to discover that. I pray that those who DO get to know me are blessed through my talents, gifts, and interests.

Musings Inspired by “Total Truth” by Nancy Pearcey

I finished reading "Total Truth" by Nancy Pearcey a few weeks ago. If you have not read it, I highly recommend the book, as it deals with important issues with depth and great insight. Several items in the book will help me restructure my lecture on the history and philosophy of science in the coming month. This post is not meant to be a review or summary of the book, though. At one point in the book, Pearcey relates her inner struggle with her calling and vocation while expecting her first child. She felt like the Lord was leading her to continue her studies and serve Him with her mind. She states how it seemed unfair that becoming a mother called all of that into question for her more so than it did for her husband, who was about to become a father. I read this section of the book to my husband, because it summarized my feelings over the past few years very well.

Twelve years ago, I completed my Master of Science degree and jumped directly into work on my Ph.D. in Animal Physiology. Soon after that, I found out I was expecting our first child. I was due in the middle of the Spring semester, and my advisor allowed me to work from home (which means there is not much work when you deal with beef cattle) through the summer and still paid me. I had always said that I wanted to stay home with my kids, so in July 2000, I left the academic world and became a full-time stay at home mom. We ended up with 2 babies in less than a year and I honestly don't remember a lot about that time. However, I think my brain was screaming. I was used to thinking, solving problems, reading, writing, organizing. Most friends I associated with for play dates had left careers – mine had not really started. So, I volunteered, I started a business, I had small part time jobs at church – in all of this, I knew I did not want to leave my kids with someone else while I went to work every day. Looking back, I would say that I was restless doing many things but not THE THING that God had called me to do – Teach Animal Science/ Biology.

God dropped an opportunity in my lap in Fall 2005. My children were 5, 4, and ½ years old. I got an email from one of the above mentioned friends – the school she worked at needed a Biology instructor for their night classes that would meet weekly for 5 weeks at a time. She wanted to know if I could give them my name. After consulting with my husband, I said 'yes'. Within hours, I had completed an application and scheduled and interview. I LOVED that job - the students, the adult interaction about something I cared about, teaching - it was a breath of fresh air into the deepest part of my soul - the part that had been cut off when I decided to stay home with my kids.  That job led to where I am now – working about 30 hours a week – teaching and organizing our labs. But I still struggle with the idea of not being there for my kids, as they won't come home immediately after school. I don't think my husband struggles through these ideas the same way I do.

In 4 days, I will start work for the school year. I will work more hours per week than I have since graduate school before my children were born. I have a babysitter for the time before school starts for the kids. I spent an entire day cooking LOTS of meals to put in our freezer in preparation for this time (maybe I'll feel like blogging about that later). I feel very confident that I am where I am supposed to be, but concerned about how I execute my vocational and family calling. I know I need to lean on Jesus – He has called me to these things and I can do them only through Him who strengthens me. But as I look back on my 11+ years of motherhood, I wish there had been someone – a Christian woman who would have helped me view my roles and call in God's kingdom in a different light. My model had been for a woman to sacrifice her career on the altar of her children. While I am not saying that I wish I had made a different choice or that my choice was incorrect, I am seeing now that my THINKING was incorrect. I needed to see that my calling as an intellectual woman in the field of science was just as much of a mission field and calling on my life as the family I am to care for and love.

Loyalty & Sympathy

I have done some soul searching over the past week or so about Loyalty. The events that have brought this up and where they have gone in my head seem completely unrelated. I consider myself a very loyal person and I value this quality as highly as any other. Last Saturday night, we watched the NASCAR race at Daytona. The current 'version' of drafting involves 2 car tandems – basically you pick a partner and off you go. If something happens to your partner, just kiss your chances goodbye. My favorite driver, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. got a gift in the last laps of the race in the form of a Caution Flag. But then his partner pitted and hung him out to dry – or should I say his partner's crew chief did so. I was so mad and fumed for a long time. It did not help that my husband decided to play devil's advocate and ask me WHY was loyalty so important in this race.

All of this emotion brought up more thoughts for me. I love where I work and what I do, but I also want to build a career. I am not sure when that type of opportunity will arise. I was made aware of another career opportunity that seemed perfect for me. Should I apply to this position which might advance my career but would not be a loyal move? Several people I talked to said "Yes! You should apply. Companies are not loyal to their employees, and you should look out for #1." There is a lot I could say about this comment, but I will sum it up that knowing the world works this way really bothers me. I believe it is contrary to God's perfect plan for His world. You don't have to read very far in Scripture to see that God exemplifies Loyalty! I think of the book of Hosea – God's people chase after other lovers and He pursues them. When they showed no loyalty, He showed what loyalty really means, what it looks like. Shouldn't I strive to emulate that kind of loyalty in my own life?

This leads to my next 'word' of the week – Sympathy. As if things could not get more complex, we have had a crazy couple of weeks. The "Old Hill Electric" has shown up in full force which translates into a very tired and frustrated husband. That means I am very isolated and lonely since my husband is really my only good friend. To top it off, I have had an allergic reaction to something which has resulted in hives, swelling, and inflamed lymph nodes. The "Old Hill Electric" takes precedence in this case and I head off to the doctor with 2 boys in tow. Why – you may ask? Because there is no one that I know who will help me out. Several Facebook friends tried but had conflicts with work, but others had less convincing reasons. Sure – they said they were sorry that I was feeling bad and that they could not help, but what good is that type of Sympathy? I would argue that it is useless! Pretty words don't make the hives or swelling recede, and they don't protect my boys who get exposed to lots of potential germs at the doctor's office. I want to post a screaming status on Facebook about how I am so glad that YOU are having a great day, going the beach, or whatever your perfect day is bringing you. The very title on Facebook as my 'friend' makes me want to clear off that list for people who are actually worthy of that title in my life.

It is clear to me that this situation speaks loudly to my particular 'Love Languages'. It is pretty clear that "Quality Time" and/or "Gifts" are a lot higher than "Words of Affirmation". But this just highlights the lonliness of my situation – no one has a clue that I need that. I am trying to make sense of this whole situation, and once again I come to the conclusion that perhaps I am supposed to just depend on God. He certainly got us through this afternoon and the boys acted beautifully. But I know that I am supposed to live in Community with other believers. But what are you supposed to do when no one wants to have that kind of relationship with you? What do you do when you reach out and all you get are the pretty words or excuses? It is hard to react with grace and understanding when you are needy. It is also hard when you see others living in Community – people who are your neighbors and church 'family' – while you are basically excluded.

I am pretty certain that I am not the only one who feels this way, but I am not sure who find themselves in the same situation. So what do you do? Please don't post that I need to 'try harder, be nicer, etc.' If this were an easy fix, surely I would have figured it out by now.

Musings Inspired by “The God Delusion” – part 3

This post will cover the remainder of the book – from chapter 5 through chapter 10.

I will be honest and say that this is where the book was difficult for me to read. (It is hard to read a book when you want to throw it or yell at it.) There are so many things that I could discuss and dissect in this section, and to do so would take a book of my own. I think I can summarize my thoughts on these chapters by saying that:

1. Dawkins has knowledge of the Bible, but no understanding of it. Sadly, his apparent knowledge of Scripture probably is beyond most Americans who profess to be Christians.
   
2. All of the things that Dawkins points to as "bad" about religion are actually sins that Christianity and the Bible would condemn.
   
3. While Dawkins says he is not a fundamentalist on evolution and natural selection, he is certainly a fundamentalist when it comes to naturalism. He simply cannot entertain the notion of something beyond the physical, so no matter what evidence would be presented to him, it would not be sufficient if it were supernatural in nature.
   
4. I agree with Dawkins on many points than I expected to (ie – condemning sin in the world or mental abuse of children), but we don't agree on what should be done about it or its ultimate cause.
   

While the hypothesis that religion and morality are by-products of some trait passed down via natural selection could be viewed as a possibility, it does not seem well-supported to me. This book at least had the educational purpose of introducing me to these ideas, and also the existence of evolutionary psychology.

So, I have completed the book and can say that I am glad that I read it. If you have a question about the book, please feel free to ask.

Musings Inspired by “The God Delusion” – part 2

This post will focus on Chapters 3 – Arguments for God's Existence and 4 – Why There Almost Certainly is No God.

Probability and statistics are a major theme of Dawkins discussion, especially in Chapter 4. He says in multiple places that according to the laws of probability that simple things are more probable to come into existence than complex things. He then argues that a God capable of designing and upholding the universe must be complex. I would not disagree with this assumption, as I don't think I would try to argue that God was simple. Because of this complexity, Dawkins declares the likelihood of this type of complex God is terribly unlikely. But as you read, you see that Dawkins mind is firmly in the natural world. He cannot fathom something that does not follow 'natural laws' of chemistry, biology and physics. If we asserted that the God of the Bible were within that realm, this argument might hold water. But all of the 'things' that Dawkins uses to measure the existence of God are those useful in the natural world only.

In some places, Dawkins seems to define what is true by popular opinion. He spends a good bit of time with statistics on the beliefs of scientists and 'less educated', and then uses the fact that the inverse relationship between education and religious belief as a 'proof' that God does not exist. This also leads him to continue to question statements and beliefs of other scientists. He did this with Gould in Chapter 2, saying that surely he really didn't mean what he wrote. He continues this line of thought by questioning whether certain scientists in history were actually Christian. He has the audacity to say that perhaps these men were 'closet atheists' and just didn't know that they could choose to not believe in God.

Another recurring theme for Dawkins is that a universe with a personal Creator would be a very different universe than one without one. He then says that "our sense of goodness would be the way it is with a God and without a God." These 2 statements seem contradictory to me. Why would our sense of goodness be the same in a completely different universe? And how can you compare these 2 types of universe when you only live in one of them? How do you KNOW which you find yourself in?
The biggest thing that keeps coming into my mind as I contemplate Dawkins arguments is his narrow view of the theoretical. Philosophers of science point out that there are an infinite number of theories that are possible to explain any possible natural phenomena.

I often show this photograph to my class and ask the question "What happened right before this picture was taken?" As you might imagine, there are lots of ideas and many of them seem possible and reasonable. The job of science is to try to eliminate which 'theories' could be correct and which are certainly not correct. And just because you eliminate all of the possibilities on your original list, that does not mean there is not another possible theory that you have not yet thought of and tested. Even then, you have not "proven" your theory – you have either supported the theory or not. It is clear that Dawkins believes there are only 2 options out there for the existence of everything – Darwinism by means of natural selection (he even stretches this to the realm of physics in one example) and a special creation by God. I would have expected Dawkins to be a little more versed in the philosophy of science, because he is totally ignoring other possibilities, not to mention all of the possibilities of the "how" within these 2 theories. Of course the beginning of everything or any natural phenomena (the cause of cancer, the transportation of steroids in the body, etc.) have an answer and it is possible the accurate and real answer is one that has not been thought of yet.

After finishing the last paragraph, I think of a statement I have read and heard from Christians that say that belief in God/ creationism/ etc. leads to intellectual laziness. I think this is a load of trash! A Biblical view of man's purpose in the world is that of steward of creation. This view is easy to fit in a career in the sciences, which is the study of the natural world/ God's creation. How in the world is it consistent with being a good and faithful steward to not seek to learn anything and everything you can about your subject?? Any Christian who would hold this view would either not take God's call on their vocation seriously or would not understand the Bible's teaching on the subject on what we are to be about until His return. This does seem in line with a "God of the Gaps" idea, which was discussed in this section of the book. Here I find another instance where I agree with Dawkins. I agree with both Dawkins and Dietrich Bonhoffer on this point. Holding to such a view might lead to scientific laziness, because if the only place we see God in the natural world is in those things we don't understand, God will disappear when we explain everything.

Taking this idea a bit further, I want to finish this post by sharing a paragraph from Dawkins book that I thought was very interesting. "I am continually astonished by those theists who, far from having their consciousness raised in the way that I propose, seem to rejoice in natural selection as "God's way of achieving his creation". They note that evolution by natural selection would be a very easy and neat way to achieve a world full of life. God wouldn't need to do anything at all! Peter Atkins…takes this line of thoughts to a sensibly godless conclusion when he postulates a hypothetically lazy God who tries to get away with as little as possible in order to make a universe containing life. Atkins's lazy God is even lazier than the deist God of the 18^th century Enlightenment: deus otiosus – literally God at leisure, unoccupied, unemployed, superfluous, useless. Step by step, Atkins success in reducing the amount of work the lazy God has to do until he finally ends up doing mothering at all: high might as well not bother to exist." (pg. 118) Morris and Petcher's book, Science and Grace, does a wonderful job of responding Biblically to the idea of a 'lazy' God by looking at God's relationship to His physical creation. I would highly recommend the book to anyone!