I have done some soul searching over the past week or so about Loyalty. The events that have brought this up and where they have gone in my head seem completely unrelated. I consider myself a very loyal person and I value this quality as highly as any other. Last Saturday night, we watched the NASCAR race at Daytona. The current 'version' of drafting involves 2 car tandems – basically you pick a partner and off you go. If something happens to your partner, just kiss your chances goodbye. My favorite driver, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. got a gift in the last laps of the race in the form of a Caution Flag. But then his partner pitted and hung him out to dry – or should I say his partner's crew chief did so. I was so mad and fumed for a long time. It did not help that my husband decided to play devil's advocate and ask me WHY was loyalty so important in this race.
All of this emotion brought up more thoughts for me. I love where I work and what I do, but I also want to build a career. I am not sure when that type of opportunity will arise. I was made aware of another career opportunity that seemed perfect for me. Should I apply to this position which might advance my career but would not be a loyal move? Several people I talked to said "Yes! You should apply. Companies are not loyal to their employees, and you should look out for #1." There is a lot I could say about this comment, but I will sum it up that knowing the world works this way really bothers me. I believe it is contrary to God's perfect plan for His world. You don't have to read very far in Scripture to see that God exemplifies Loyalty! I think of the book of Hosea – God's people chase after other lovers and He pursues them. When they showed no loyalty, He showed what loyalty really means, what it looks like. Shouldn't I strive to emulate that kind of loyalty in my own life?
This leads to my next 'word' of the week – Sympathy. As if things could not get more complex, we have had a crazy couple of weeks. The "Old Hill Electric" has shown up in full force which translates into a very tired and frustrated husband. That means I am very isolated and lonely since my husband is really my only good friend. To top it off, I have had an allergic reaction to something which has resulted in hives, swelling, and inflamed lymph nodes. The "Old Hill Electric" takes precedence in this case and I head off to the doctor with 2 boys in tow. Why – you may ask? Because there is no one that I know who will help me out. Several Facebook friends tried but had conflicts with work, but others had less convincing reasons. Sure – they said they were sorry that I was feeling bad and that they could not help, but what good is that type of Sympathy? I would argue that it is useless! Pretty words don't make the hives or swelling recede, and they don't protect my boys who get exposed to lots of potential germs at the doctor's office. I want to post a screaming status on Facebook about how I am so glad that YOU are having a great day, going the beach, or whatever your perfect day is bringing you. The very title on Facebook as my 'friend' makes me want to clear off that list for people who are actually worthy of that title in my life.
It is clear to me that this situation speaks loudly to my particular 'Love Languages'. It is pretty clear that "Quality Time" and/or "Gifts" are a lot higher than "Words of Affirmation". But this just highlights the lonliness of my situation – no one has a clue that I need that. I am trying to make sense of this whole situation, and once again I come to the conclusion that perhaps I am supposed to just depend on God. He certainly got us through this afternoon and the boys acted beautifully. But I know that I am supposed to live in Community with other believers. But what are you supposed to do when no one wants to have that kind of relationship with you? What do you do when you reach out and all you get are the pretty words or excuses? It is hard to react with grace and understanding when you are needy. It is also hard when you see others living in Community – people who are your neighbors and church 'family' – while you are basically excluded.
I am pretty certain that I am not the only one who feels this way, but I am not sure who find themselves in the same situation. So what do you do? Please don't post that I need to 'try harder, be nicer, etc.' If this were an easy fix, surely I would have figured it out by now.
