Let's walk through the past week, shall we?
Monday - Wake up and take T3 to school. Come home and frantically pick up house until the cleaning lady arrives. Go to school with T1 and T2. Spend 1 hour going over the days school work. Go teach a class of 23 college students. Come back and spend more time with T1 and T2 (they did not make much progress in my absence). Go to office and grade papers, work on a literature review, and answer emails. Pick up T3 from school. Work on school work with all 3 kids. Take T1 to gymnastics practice. Help T3 get ready for football game. Talk with husband on, while alternating house work and grading papers. Talk with husband on the phone about the logistics of the evening. Take T3 to football game. Leave football game at halftime and go with T2 to soccer game that I am coaching. Come home and eat a sandwich. Grade Math from T1 and T2. Look over lesson plans and activities for the next day. Go to bed and hope to sleep.
Okay - I don't think I can make it through the remaining days. I can tell you all the days went pretty much the same except there was a soccer game with football practice on Tuesday, I taught a class on Wednesday night, and we only had soccer on Friday and Saturday nights.
There has been little adult interaction aside from logistics. I don't have time to socialize during lunch at work. I can't socialize with other parents at the soccer games because I am coaching. I don't have any friends that call, text, or email to check on me during the week. This place has been extremely lonely.
Just for good measure, let's throw in a trip to the doctor for a sinus infection that has been hounding me for the past 4 weeks.
I'm tired. I feel really awful. In this condition, I wonder if any of this is making a difference.
But I feel at peace - I know I am doing the things that God has called me to do. And, maybe more importantly, I know without a doubt that I am dying to myself. Some days, this 'dying to self' is excruciating - probably because I fight against it and try to live and serve in my own strength. Other days, I am just spent.
So, despite the loneliness, the exhaustion, the illness - I am thankful. Thankful that I am being made more into the image of Jesus. Thankful that I have been given the opportunity to teach and serve. Thankful that God isn't finished with me yet.
I'm sure that I will at times be impatient with this process and other times I will think I am 'finished'. I need to be reminded that He will not be finished with me this side of Heaven - He loves me too much. So I need to embrace where He has me and empty myself of confidence in myself. This post is one reminder to myself that..... It's a Good Day to Die Hard.
