Livin' on a Prayer

I've been convicted lately about a lot of things.  A big one has been my lack of connection to the local expression of the body of Christ even though I have been a member there for almost 19 years. I attend Sunday School and church every Sunday, am a member of a small group, and serve in our music ministry, but I am not really connected.  I can walk into the building and be there for almost 3 hours without a single person seeming to realize that I am there.  Sometimes this is a blessing because when I do interact, I say the wrong thing or I share something hard and things go very wrong.

As we are approaching the beginning of a new academic year, I have mixed emotions.  I am excited to see my students again.  I am looking forward to the classes I will be teaching. I am overwhelmed by the thought of another year of working full time and homeschooling 3 kids.  I am fearful that my kids will struggle and I won't have the ability to help them - possibly due to being overwhelmed or overworked.  I am struggling with the thought of adding ONE MORE thing to my plate when I think about starting a PhD program.  I feel frustrated and lonely when I consider the time all of these things require and know that most of my waking hours have already been claimed.

I feel very strongly that God has called me to minister at SWU.  I teach students how to view biology and science as a Christian, while also encouraging them to be excellent in their work so they may be lights in their field and instruments useful to God.  I strive to befriend and mentor students - some who need a listening ear, others who have never observed how a Christian family functions, and more who need guidance on classes or careers.

I feel very strongly that God has given me 3 children and the best place for them to be educated (for a variety of reasons) is through homeschooling.  In the past 3 years I have experienced first hand how difficult and draining it is to teach your children.  In the past year, we have added a ADHD diagnosis and the fun dynamics of the relationship between parents and teenagers.  I have discovered of the 3 tasks needed to successfully homeschool - lesson planning/ teaching, grading, and record keeping - I can accomplish only 2 of these at the same time.

We are currently praying about the opportunity for me to begin (again) work on my PhD starting in January.  The doors seem to be opening and aligning for this to be a possibility and other things have occurred which make this move seem wise.

So where does this leave me?  I believe that many of the emotions expressed in the second paragraph are directly related to the lack of connection mentioned in the first paragraph.  I truly believe that God has called us all to specific work in his kingdom, and that this is not restricted to those who are employed in "full-time Christian ministry" roles of pastors or missionaries.  If I am doing the tasks and work above for the Lord and He has called me to that work, I am involved in full time Christian ministry.

My life has involved these different roles and responsibilities for the past 3 years and it has been hard.  I probably haven't shared this with a lot of people because I fear the judgement and negative comments the have followed when I am most needy.  But I need the support and encouragement of the body of Christ.  I need prayers lifted on my behalf as I do the work God has called me to do.  Tonight I have found both the courage and the words to place these before you and pray that God will use it for my good.  So consider this my Prayer Letter.  Will you join my ministry to both my children and my college students by praying?