Have you ever had the feeling that everything is about to change? For the past couple of months, I have had a nagging uneasiness in the pit of my being. I suppose it could be from a variety of sources – some changes could be positive and others negative. Our economy is still in a recession (I know there is some debate on this, but I am pretty sure I am right on this one – may this would be a good topic for another blog, but not today) and that affects our finances. My job is staying the same when I thought it would change in the coming year. Boo's future activities are now up in the air. My little guy will start kindergarten in the Fall. There are repairs that need to happen on our house, but don't have to be done today. However, that could change quickly if they deteriorate or break further. I have pre-diabetes. And these are just the things I could guess about. There could be injury or sickness in our family and so many other things could completely blind-side us. Any of them could change our world drastically.
I have been reading in I Samuel and wonder if David felt this way at all? He is anointed King by Samuel, kills Goliath, becomes famous and marries the current King's daughter. Before you know it, he is running for his life. Saul is brutally murdering those he finds out have helped David. How must David have felt – he thought he was going to be King and now he may die soon. Of course we can see how the story ends (which goes many years beyond this episode) in a matter of an hour, if you want to read the whole story. Did David live with this gut feeling that everything was about to change?
My gut feeling makes me dread the future. Proverbs 31 says that a woman of God should "smile at the future". But I am a control freak. I like for things to change in my life when *I* decide they should do so. The "what ifs" in my life focus on the negative and bad, and there is so much pain and suffering in the world around us. Rather than fear and dread, God may have given me this feeling so I can watch what He is about to do. He is always surprising me with the direction of life. Without the nagging, I would go about my daily life focused on the 'now'. Perhaps I am meant to see His hand work in a mighty way and without His prompting in this way, I would just miss it.
I titled this blog after the REM song, and for those that know it, you probably sang the next line of the song, "and I feel fine". But I DON'T feel fine. Even typing above, my tendency is to just feel like I need to throw up and get back to "fixing" my life. My prayer, though, is that I will be able to sing the song and really mean it and that I will look expectantly to what God is doing and about to do in and around me with a sense of joyful expectation. He loves me more than I can fathom, so I will continue to learn to trust Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment